


Lost to Ambition

by BlueBoar



Series: Children of Sithis [1]
Category: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Body Worship, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Murder, NSFW, Religious Conflict, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Slight Cannon divergence, Tragedy, lots of Mathieu added to the story, pregnancy later on, self-harm scars on Mathieu, suicidal thoughts from Mathieu, very strong confident khajiit woman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 17:30:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13769034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueBoar/pseuds/BlueBoar
Summary: Ampris loses both her mother and father by the time she is fourteen and sets off across Cyrodiil to make her fortune.  She eventually finds herself living outside the Imperial City and working as a Gladiator, but it isn't enough and she draws the attention of The Dark Brotherhood.  In joining their ranks she finds the new family and sense of belonging she has been seeking.  She finds purpose and love, but things cannot always sit stagnant in contentment and that which is earned through ambition can be lost the same way.(Disclaimer: I do not own the Elder Scrolls universe or the characters in it, just my OC, Ampris)





	Lost to Ambition

Ampris sat on the front pew at the Chapel of Mara beside her father as some priest rambled on reading from some book in his deep calming voice. She looked up at her father beside her. The large man looked crumpled and fragile bent in on himself. His usually golden fur was dull and shabby from a week of neglect while taking care of her mother. All the care he gave her was worth nothing in the end . Ko’Kasha had been a healer, but her husband was only a hunter, he could’ve done nothing to stop the sickness that had quickly consumed her. 

Ampris fidgeted in her seat feeling restless. She knew she was meant to be good and quiet and sad, but it just didn’t feel real enough for her to take it seriously. The coffin behind the priest didn’t look like her mother. The sickness had taken her so quickly it was hard to think of the competent hardy woman as anything other, and how did it make sense for her mother to be dead anyway? It was absurd, her mother was the one who healed sickness, not someone to succumb to it! She twisted around to see who else was at the funeral finding a mix of her mother’s former patients with their heads bowed and solemn expressions on their faces. 

“Papa, how much longer will we be here?”, she whispered to him wiggling back around the tip of her tail twitching in annoyance. 

“Only for a little while longer, dear one, please try to sit quietly for now…”, He murmured back his voice a low broken whisper. She frowned, but did as he asked her sitting quietly for the rest of the service. 

After the service she had to stand with her father as the other grievers came and went giving their condolences to them. Ampris ignored the talking for the most part. She held her father’s hand, but was truly paying attention to a beetle crawling along the stone floor. 

“Dro’Nahrahe, I did not expect to see you here.”, Ampris’s father said in surprise as an older Khajiit woman in a fine green dress came to stand in front of them. 

“I wish it were under better circumstances I was seeing you, S’Rava, but I Remember your wife. She came to the Castle and healed the Count’s son as well of many of our staff who had fallen ill last year. She was a truly good woman and it is a great sorrow Nirn has lost her spirit.”, The woman told him gently. 

“Thank you, there really is no other woman like my Ko’Kasha.”

“I do have more to offer you than just words. I know you are a hunter, but I am sure as a healer she made most of your family’s money….I doubt there is a way you can support your daughter just with the game you catch.”, She explained. 

“What is it you are saying?”, S’rava asked tense and cold in response to her insinuations. 

“Come work at the Castle, There is a job for a laborer and maids are easy to train young. You and your daughter will be guaranteed a place to live and enough food to eat at the castle.”, she proposed. 

“You expect me to make my daughter work? You expect us to be servants to the imperials?”, S’Rava hissed clearly insulted. 

“Papa, are you okay?”, Ampris tugged on his hand pulled out of her distracted state by his anger. 

“I’m alright dear one, I think it is time to go home now.”, He told his daughter his demeanor softening as he spoke to her. 

“Please, think about it.”, Dro’Nahrahe called after them as S’Rava pulled Ampris after him storming out of the chapel. “I will be waiting to hear from you when you are ready. 

Back at their home Ampris went upstairs to her room skipping lunch. She stared into the small mirror she had her tail lashing in annoyance , the reflection just looked wrong. She made faces in the mirror ignoring raised voices downstairs of her father arguing with other men from the village until a crash and a shout from the street caught her attention. She drifted to the window curiously her stomach feeling sick and her jaw clenching when she realized what was happening. 

“PAPA!”, she shrieked running out of the room pushing through the door with a bang and running downstairs. On the ground level S’Rava was watching bereft with grief as other villagers with cloth tied over their mouths and noses carried out furniture from the home and threw it into the street. “NO!”, Ampris yowled lunging and knocking a chest out of one of the men’s hands. 

“Ampris still yourself!”, he father growled pulling her back. 

“Papa, they’re breaking mama’s things!”, she cried in panic. 

“Ampris, I know it is hard, I do not want to see these things go either, but they must burn the sickness away, they do not want anyone else to get sick ike your mama….”, he tried to explain. 

“But papa….where will mama sleep? Where will she put her clothes? How can she come home if all of her things are gone, papa?”, Ampris sobbed finally crying as the idea of her mother being gone truly started to set in. 

“You know she can’t come home, dear one.”, He murmured sitting down with his daughter on the floor and holding her. 

Later Ampris and S’Rava stood outside their home watching the fire burn away items with so many memories attached. 

“You can keep your mama’s jewelry, dear one, the sickness does not sour the metal like it does to many other things of cloth and wood.”, He told her as the child watched the flames, defeated. “I need you to be a strong girl for me, Ampris. Many things will change soon, but I will take care of you no matter what.”, he crouched in front of her to tell her to be eye level. 

“Yes papa, i can be strong.”, she nodded after a moment. 

The silently watched the flames until they smoldered out and S’Rava took Ampris inside and tucked her into bed and silently decided to speak to Dro’Nahrahe the next morning. 

 

***************************************************************

Ampris woke up before dawn with the rest of the help in Castle Bravil. She was Fourteen and had been working at the castle since she was eight years old and lost her mother. When she was young they had let her be a maid working inside the castle, but as she got older she grew tall and lanky no longer a cute little thing to look at. She did whatever jobs she was given by the older workers, but most days she worked out in the garden with the groundskeeper, Dro’Shanji. 

She took the few minute turn she could get in the servant’s washroom and scarfed down a small breakfast before hurrying out of the Castle and to the gates where she usually waited for the old Khajiit man to arrive at work. He was one of the few members of the Castle staff not to live on the grounds and instead in town. “Good morning, Ji!”, Ampris greeted as Dro’Shanji came to the the gates. 

“Dro’Shanji.”, he hummed correcting her. It was a usual morning greeting between the two, despite his grumbling her truly did not mind the nickname. 

“What will we be doing today?”, she asked following him as he walked past her into the courtyard. 

“Weeding the flower gardens, it’s been too long since the last time.”, he told her simply. He then led her to the gardens and they began to work. Dro’Shanji mostly worked in silence or hummed to himself while Ampris chatted about this or that to him. He was the only person she felt comfortable telling about her interest in alchemy, she in turn kept the secrets of his impressive sneak skills. He even taught her a thing or two about about stealth and thievery, her father definitely would not have approved. 

“Can I take some foxglove? I know it’s for decoration, but a plant or two wouldn’t be too dearly missed…”, Ampris asked. It was getting late in the day and they were about done. The days work had left dirt striped up her arms. 

“For some new concoction? I think not small one, I will bring you cuttings I have made of different flowers tomorrow or perhaps the next day. Let us not spoil what has already been done.”, he lectured giving her a disapproving look. 

“That works just as well, when I have coin someday I will open my own shop and learn everything there is to know about alchemy.”, She told him proudly. 

“Mmmm, I will surely be an old cat by then, you will have to give your old friend Dro’Shanji salves for his aching joints”, he chuckled. 

“Will you be coming back tomorrow?”, Ampris asked sitting on a low stone wall as he packed up his gardening tools. 

“Yes, yes….there are some bolete caps growing inside a crack in a wall I must remove then seal.”, he muttered. “And the next morning we will need to clear out some unpleasant nesting animals…”, he sighed thinking about the work ahead. 

“I should be finished with your book by the day after next, I’m sorry it’s taken so long...I’ve did as you said and have read it only when I am away from any others.”

“It is your heritage, young one, but we mustn't speak of it, there is no more dangerous place to do so then under the noses of Imperials.”, he told her quietly. “Be a quiet and obedient girl and you will be safe, they will never suspect a thought in your head. A time to speak about your thoughts will come later.”, he advised her before hauling his bag onto his shoulder ready to leave for the day. 

“I will see you tomorrow, Ji.”, Ampris said hopping off of the wall and walking with him to the city gates. 

“Dro’Shanji.”, he reminded her walking through the gates where she stopped to watch him go. 

Ampris frowned at the sun as it drooped in the sky and hurried off to get cleaned up for supper. After cleaning the mud and dirt off her fur she met her father behind the castle. It was their custom to meet at least a few times a week and share supper. He would bring two plates and they would sit in the grass and talk. It was the only time during the day they could see each other usually.

“How was your day Papa?”, she asked taking the plate and sitting down beside her father. 

“Not so enjoyable, dear one. The child of the Count wishes for a new pond with fish so he does not have to take a trip out into the bay to ride in his little boat. My day was much digging and digging and my next day will be as such. There is no rest for my poor back.”, he sighed. 

“I do not understand why they make you labor and won’t take you out on a hunt when the Count goes, you are most definitely a better hunter than their so called hunt master here.”, Ampris growled hotly. 

“Eh, I am not a kitten to cry over spilt milk, some things are as they must be.”, S’Rava shrugged trying to dissuade his daughters anger. “They are the ones who give us our meals and our beds, we should not spit in the face of kindness.”

“Papa, we are not lesser than the man folk”, Ampris insisted softly yet firmly. 

“Ampris.”, he used her name taking her by the shoulders to look into her eyes. “Truer words might never have before been said, but the truth can be a crime when liars hold the power.”

She flicked her tail definitely at first but stilled when she looked into her father’s face. His eyes were so very tired and his muzzle was almost completely grey. She could not say how long it had been that way, she could not say how long it had been since she truly looked at her father. “Yes Papa.”, she sighed. “I will be quiet and good while we are here, but I will not let you toil until your body gives way. I have saved most of my extra coin and when I have enough we will go away from here.”, she told him the fire returning to her eyes.

“Oh yes? Where will we go?”, he smiled humoring her idea. “Maybe Anvil by the sea, or grow our fur out for the cold of Bruma.”he suggested with a chuckle. 

“Wherever we go I will open up a big shop and we won’t worry of coin again.”, she smiled dreamilly 

“You are as tenacious as your mother was.”, He told his daughter warmly as the sun sank behind the horizon and it was time to go back to the servants quarters. 

************************************************************

The next day went much the same until Ampris was left waiting at the castle gate and Dro’Shanji never appeared. Unsettled she tried to carry on with her day despite it clumsily trying to do the work he’d mentioned the day before on her own. She was concerned for him, he was old and she always feared people she cared about falling ill since the death of her mother. She decided she would have to bring him a cure disease potion if he wasn’t back the next morning. 

“Dro’ Nahrahe was not in the Castle this day as well.”, Her father hummed as they ate supper together behind the castle again that night. 

“That’s strange.”, She frowned feeling unsettled again plucking bits of grass from the ground beside her. 

“Are you ready to go inside now?”, S’Rava asked after a few moments of silence. 

“I suppose we must.”, Ampris heaved a sigh 

“Come now, I will walk with you back inside and then we will see eachother again tomorrow.”, they went back inside the servants entrance dropping the plates they’d used off at the kitchen before turning down the hall to the servant’s quarters. 

Ampris froze knowing there was something wrong when the Count himself and Inquisitor Drels Theran were standing outside the entrance to the chamber the women servants slept in with two guards accompanying them. “Is that the girl?”, Drels cooly asked a young and timid looking nord girl standing beside the two men. 

“Y-yes, sir.”, she mumbled stealing a glance at Ampris before turning her eyes down to her shoes. 

“Get the girl”, Drels ordered with a disgusted look on his face gesturing to two guards behind them. 

“You’re Grace, what is the issue?”, S’Rava asked urgently trying to step in front of and shield his daughter before being shoved into the stone wall with a grunt by one of the guards. 

“Papa?”, Ampris murmured in confusion before she was grabbed by the other guard. He dragged her forward until she was a few feet from the Count and Inquisitor.

Drels dropped a book at her feet, the same book Dro’Shanji had lent her. “You have been found in possession of the Manifesto belonging to the Renrijra Krin. You are charged as a terrorist and traitor to the Empire.”, The dark elf snarled at her. 

“That...that’s not mine.”, Ampris forced herself to say feeling disconnected from the scene unfolding around her.

“It was found under your mattress, you’re the only Khajiit in the room there.”, he accused clearly enjoying tearing her down. “How can you deny it? We were told it would be in your possession by an informant after all.”

“It is not hers, it is mine.”, her father called out as she opened her mouth unsure how to defend herself. “I gave it to her to hide for a time before I could dispose of it. She was not born in Elswyr, she does not speak our native tongue even, how could she be of the Renrijra Krin? She does not know of them, she is a child innocent in this, I am the traitor.”, he told them. 

“Papa, I-”, Ampris started to say to argue with him. 

“Shush girl”, he growled. “Arrest me and leave my cub be.”, he said his tone to the count commanding, not begging. 

“She is just a girl, Drels, let us hold this one accountable and keep an eye on the girl for now.”, the Count decided speaking at last. 

“Consider yourself lucky, welp, I’m sure you’ll be following your father in no time, none of you beast races can really be trusted. Leave her here, take the big one to the dungeons.”, the Dark Elf ordered already walking away with the count. Her father was dragged away and she was pushed down onto the stone floor. 

She let herself lay on the ground for a moment with her mind blank. What would she do? What could she do? It was her fault….

“Ampris? Ampris, I’m so sorry, they asked me who the bed belonged to and i had to-”, the Nord girl apologized putting a light hesitant hand on Ampris’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!”, Ampris snarled drawing away sharply from the gentle gesture. 

“I...I’m sorry…”, she girl managed again before running away down the hall and leaving Ampris alone. 

She felt sick to her stomach and was suddenly overwhelmed with one certain realization; she could not stay there. She stumbled to her feet body still numb and ears ringing, she needed to get out to the garden. No one saw her or tried to stop her as she tore through the halls out into the cool night air. She strode along the wall of the castle before ducking behind a bush. Alone in the dark she clasped her hand over her mouth and let out a small sob all the feeling rushing into her. She clenched her teeth and forced herself to be still holding in the hiccuping breathes that threatened to break free of her mouth. She had wanted to leave Bravil and now she would, she needed to focus. 

She felt along the wall until she found the piece of stone she knew would be loose and pulled it out. Reaching into the hole left in the wall she pulled out the things she had stored in the small space. A small coin purse, four potion vials, and a lockpick. Feeling the little vials in her had she uncorked one and sniffed it. She was mostly sure it was the one she wanted and almost as much sure that the potion would work. Without hesitation she knocked back the small gulp of liquid. It was bitter and made her nose wrinkled at the taste. A chill went through her body and she looked at her hands to make sure it had worked. She sighed in relief looking down at her body to find it gone, she was invisible. 

She tucked the other loot from the wall into her pockets and ran quickly back into the castle towards the dungeons. She had no idea how long the effects would last. She slipped easily into the dungeon not finding the first door guarded. She edged forward cautiously once inside hearing voices of guardsmen below. Coming to the bottom of the stairs and pressing against the wall she saw the two men that had hauled her father away. 

“Put this in the evidence, I need to take a piss.”, one grumbled to the other shoving a burlap sack into his arms. He stomped towards Ampris who shrunk back in reflex before remembering he couldn’t see her. She held her breath as he passed before creeping into the room below. The other guard was moving things around loudly in a small room attached to the one she crept into. She spotted a pair of keys sitting on the table and grabbed them as quietly as she could hurrying to the door on the far side of the room guessing that must be the way down to where the prisoners were kept. 

She sighed in relief when it opened and jumped inside spinning the door shut behind her and locking it. It seemed strange to her the door could be locked from the inside, but she wouldn’t complain at that point. She walked between the cells looking inside for her father. Passing a sleeping Bosmer before spotting her father slumped against the bars in the furthest cell down the line. 

“Papa.”, she whispered to him kneeling down and touching his shoulder through the bars. 

“Ampris is that you?”, he rasped turning around to stare blankly at the space where she was. He had blood smeared over the side of his face from his nose drying in his fur and one of his eyes was swollen half shut. She realized with rage rising in her throat that someone must have hit him. 

“I’m here, Papa, I’m just invisible.”, she explained. “I’m here to get you out, we’re going to leave Bravil together.”

“No, you have to leave here, you have to get out before the guards see you! I do not want them to arrest you as well…”

“I can’t live here in the castle without you, and I won’t leave you.”, she told him as she felt a small sort of chill like cold water running off her went down her body as the potion ore off and she became visible again. “I have the keys!”

“My dear cub”, he smiled sadly cupping her face with one of his hands through the bars. “I won’t let you throw your life away for my sake you are strong and you can make it here, you will leave me here and work to save up your coin, you will not go to prison.”

“Papa, I can’t-”, she started putting her hand over her father’s. A loud jiggling of the doorknob from down the hall made her jump. 

“Bernard where are the keys?”, a muffled voice demanded from the other side. “I left them here on the table!”

“You took them with you, I’m sure you did….”, the muffled answer came. 

“Dammnit it’s locked from the other side, is someone down there?”, the first voice demanded pounding on the door. “Go get the captain, he’ll have another set…”

“There won’t be any way out for me, my dear one, you need to hide before they see you here.”, he father urged here. “There is a room at the end of the hall, there may be a place to hide there!”

“I can’t leave you, I can’t!”, she began to hyperventilate holding onto her father’s hands. “I don’t want to be alone papa….”

“Ampris you need to be a strong girl for me, just like when your mama was taken from us…. You are so strong, you will never break, my dear child.”, he told her as muffled voices could be heard again from behind the door. “No go!”, he pushed her by the shoulders making her fall sideways onto the dusty floor. 

She was filled with fear and heartbreak as she scrambled away falling through the door at the end of the hall. Glancing around most of the items in the room were badly broken furniture and barrels too small to fit her body. The next thing she spotted was a door to her right and ran for it desperately. Inside it was dark and smelled unpleasantly like rot, but she choked back her disgust and walked further inside. She held in a gag as she stepped in some sticky dark substance on the ground. She could see well in the dark like all Khajiit, but she could not tell the color. Despite that she had an awful feeling it’s color was red. 

She heard a door bang open from back where she’d come and her heart lurched. She whipped behind a shelf near the corner of the room. Ampris clenched her teeth holding in her heavy breathing and scooted backwards as far as she could behind it until her hand bumped into something behind her. She grabbed the thing up on reflex and stared at it stupidly before realizing what it was. The empty sockets of a skull stared back up at her from between her hands. When what the understanding of what she had in her hands clicked she flung it away shrieking and kicking her legs out. 

“What was that?”, a guard yelled from out in the cellblock. She hit the tall and heavy shelf with her feet when her legs kicked out and it began to fall backwards on her. She ducked as low as she could to the floor and it slammed into the wall above her. It didn’t stop there however and she found the wall behind her crumbling and herself rolling with chunks of stone down an incline into a deep dark pit of water. 

She went under and flailed wildly trying to find the surface and swallowing mouthfuls of salt water. An undertow grabbed her and drug her down into blackness like she’d never experienced before. There was no sound except her blood rushing in her ears and no feeling except for the cold water dragging her in some unknown direction. Her lungs screamed and her head began to grow dull bits of light dancing in her eyes that weren’t really there. Her body felt numb and weak and something deep inside hushed the panic and told her it was okay to let go….

There was nothing for a long time until there was something again. She could've been lying on the bank of Niben bay for minutes or days staring up at the night sky when she gradually came back into awareness. Her senses were dull and her body hurt but she felt completely relaxed halfway in the water, halfway on the beach. 

She was alive and she was no longer in Bravil.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Next Chapter we will see her life on the Waterfront before she ventures down the path of Assassin.


End file.
